torn

How do I let go
of my need for control?
How do I accept
that your actions
and your feelings
are not always my fault?
How can I forgive myself
for things that you have done?
I listen to the accuser's voice
and struggle to hang up the phone.
Broken, ugly, dirty, guilty,
never good enough-
undeserving of your pity,
your unrelenting love.
My mind is a prison tonight,
but I do not try to escape
or ask anyone else to help-
this is my rightful place.
How can I
make sense of grace
or comprehend
the pain in your face
when you see my scars?
I didn't mean
to break your heart.
I was only trying
to fix everything,
and in the process
I tore myself apart.