expressions of his love

I saw a flower today and it looked just like a feeling. And it reminded me that God understands the ways I feel, even if I don't have a word for it, He knows, and He can make it beautiful, and I can bring anything to Him. I can relate to His creation, and this gives me an even greater picture of who He is. And I thought maybe all of God's creation, He made to express something that needed more than words. The trees, the flowers, the birds, the stars, and all of His creation are here to express His love. And I am His creation, so maybe that's what I'm here for too. To express His love. Our God is so beautiful and amazing, and there are pieces of Him in nature all around us, and His handiwork in us. I see more and more how everything in nature is pointing me to something bigger than myself, something so much greater than myself, pointing me to God. And our God is so good, He didn't have to create flowers, but He did. And sometimes I wonder why God created flowers, why He created sunsets, and all the beautiful things around us. And I can see that it is a reflection of who He is, and His care and love for us. It's all expressing something, and what I can see is love. In nature, and free to grow, I am wrapped in His arms.

sunburn

Because sometimes I love the sun so much,
It leaves me with an unfading blush.
Reddens my cheeks, paints all over my nose,
Til all of me blisters and blossoms and glows.
My skin tells the story of things lived and learned.
And though it stings for a moment, I love my sunburn.

universe she holds inside

Trapped in the layers of a noisy mind,
Her darkness and her light collide.
All their wonders to confine
The universe she holds inside.

With galaxies behind her eyes,
Underneath are crumbling skies,
Haunted by the mysteries and lies
That find their way through space and time.

Wandering into the void of her soul,
She will find she is alone.
She will surrender to the pull
Of the mightiest black hole.

Floating, falling through the night,
Softly sing her lullaby.
Safe asleep she will say goodbye
To all the madness of the sky.

ashes of me

Sometimes I wonder if my old demons would be better
Than the nothingness that consumes me now.
The emptiness, the hollowness, void of all emotion,
Which calmly holds the knife and presses it against my skin-
Unfeeling, indifferent.

I used to be drowning in my pain,
My thoughts and emotions overwhelming me.
Now, I watch myself sink,
No longer fighting for air-
No longer fighting for anything.

My anger does not roar as it once did.
It burns with a strange quietness
And hidden strength.
Eating away at me slow and cold,
So that I do not feel its true heat.

My sparks float up into the sky.
I am bathed in the glowing orange light,
Flickering all around me,
Soothing me.
Numb, I do not see that the campfire is my heart.
Melting away,
Then hardening-
Only to remain in ashes of me.

ocean eyes

I wonder what you see when you look at me.
I wonder if you would still love me if you could see it all.
There are oceans in my eyes
That would take years for you to cross.
Shades of blue,
I am falling through.
Would you be willing to follow me?
To be still and listen to the words I cannot speak?
The tears that won't come out of my eyes-
Hear them throbbing and pounding behind.
They are the waves,
And I am the sea.
Boundless and deep,
Stretching out farther than you can see-
Farther than anyone dares to go.

look inside

i want to feel the razor slice my skin
i want to watch,
cold and calculated,
the blood trickle slowly down my leg
and in that moment
feel nothing but the sting
nothing but the pleasure of punishment
payment for my sins
i want to feel it hurting
underneath my clothes
while nobody knows

those little red lines
are like a map
for my lost heart
i don't understand what i'm feeling
tear me open
let me look inside

stained pearl necklace

The blade meets my skin,

Sharp, and cold.

Sketching on me a picture
Of the emptiness I feel inside.

With red ink, red lines, it slits and stings,

And blood will bead the string,

Like a stained pearl necklace.

Tight around my neck, yet a beautiful decoration-

I find comfort in the soreness and aching left behind.

If only I could connect the lines.

Weaving my way through the messes I've made-
I'm just trying to make things right.

Intersecting scars continue the maze

When my heart has reached a dead end.

I had a dream once...
I kept on going,
Deeper and everywhere.
And the blood flowed.
And it felt so good.

My whole body covered with those thin red lines,
Like prison bars or a rope.
Wrapped around me, clinging to me-
Trapping me inside myself,
Yet I am the one that drew them.
Maybe it's just a way of holding myself in
When all that I am only wants to get away.

Waiting there in the timid silence of my dream,
Flashing images of crimson.
Each drop bringing such satisfaction,
Saying, "This is right, this is good."
As my pictures brought forth life.
The bright red bursting forth,
Fresh and free,
Where once there was no color.
However, in dreams there are no consequences.
No one to see,
To misunderstand as they do in the real world.

And so I wake up, my skin unbroken.

But lingers the desire,
The warmth from the fire that blazes underneath my skin-
Longing to be cut.