ashes of me

Sometimes I wonder if my old demons would be better
Than the nothingness that consumes me now.
The emptiness, the hollowness, void of all emotion,
Which calmly holds the knife and presses it against my skin-
Unfeeling, indifferent.

I used to be drowning in my pain,
My thoughts and emotions overwhelming me.
Now, I watch myself sink,
No longer fighting for air-
No longer fighting for anything.

My anger does not roar as it once did.
It burns with a strange quietness
And hidden strength.
Eating away at me slow and cold,
So that I do not feel its true heat.

My sparks float up into the sky.
I am bathed in the glowing orange light,
Flickering all around me,
Soothing me.
Numb, I do not see that the campfire is my heart.
Melting away,
Then hardening-
Only to remain in ashes of me.