look inside

i want to feel the razor slice my skin
i want to watch,
cold and calculated,
the blood trickle slowly down my leg
and in that moment
feel nothing but the sting
nothing but the pleasure of punishment
payment for my sins
i want to feel it hurting
underneath my clothes
while nobody knows

those little red lines
are like a map
for my lost heart
i don't understand what i'm feeling
tear me open
let me look inside