snow globe

Out from behind the glass I peer
And, tracing pictures in the frost,
Sit still within my snowy sphere,
In solitude great wonders watch.

Waiting, winter world my own,
Tranquility in blue and white.
Concealed within a perfect globe
From chaos that I saw outside.

I'd rather be deaf and alone
Than hear the raging noise beyond.
Stentorian world that shook me so
Now sealed away in snow globe song.

children

"The soul is healed by being with children." ~Dostoevsky

good morning, chautauqua

Good morning, Chautauqua,
Good morning to you.
We shiver together,
In the lingering dew.

It's time now to wake
And time to rest
Against the tree trunks
And the old swing set.

Afternoon, my Chautauqua,
Let go of your plans.
Let's go hunt for crayfish,
Let's sing and let's dance.

It's time for face paint,
And to run free with flags
Flowing banner behind,
To the bell tower fast.

Take in the warm sun,
Seaweed wrapped round your feet.
Staff serenades, canteen
And grand banquet feast.

Goodnight, my Chautauqua,
The waterfront wander,
And throw your sad stone
As far as your wonder.

Catch campfire sparks
In your hands, dry your tears,
And laugh at the sunset
As dusk disappears.

Goodbye, dear Chautauqua,
We all sail away.
Farewell to the meadow,
Porch step where I prayed.

Brave hearts as we leave
Chapel walls and dear friends,
This place that we love,
Summer's come to an end.

black pen

There's a black pen
Inside my brain-
Scribbling everywhere,
All over everything.

Changing angles rapidly,
Madness, void.
Abyss of black
Over the occipital lobe.

But it is my own hand
Guiding the night,
Pushing, pressing too hard
Til it bursts like stars
Through the page.

I can't get away,
And the pen will break.
Out spills the ink
Like a secret I wanted to keep-
Troubled universe set free.

Trickling from my brain
And sliding down
My tortured throat,
The rest of my body slowly filled
With deadly poison.

Darkness, dread,
Seeping into every crack.
Vacuum of space pulling,
Pulling me away.
Once canvas, once page,
But I'm not sure what I became.
Is this who I was supposed to be?

Hopeless, hidden
Inside a perfect portrait
Of panic.

all the earth

 

As I've watched these leaves grow through my camera, I thought they looked just like a little person raising their hands and giving praise to God. They make me think of Psalm 98.

"Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth,
burst into jubilant song with music…
Let the sea resound, and everything in it,
The world, and all who live in it.
Let the rivers clap their hands,
Let the mountains sing together for joy." (v. 4, 7-8)

your waterfalls

Tonight, it was stormy, and there was a tornado warning (luckily, there did not end up being a tornado) but during that time, I wrote this song in the room in my basement where I play guitar. The lyrics come primarily from Psalm 42, and some of Psalm 40. It's about some of the things I've been learning lately- mainly, that I'm not in control, and that I can trust God with everything. He is all that we need!


My heart fails within me
As deep calls out to deep
In the roar of your waterfalls
It swept over me
Over me

By day the Lord directs His love
At night His song is with me-
A prayer to the God of my life,
O God my rock, why have you forgotten me?

Why must I go about mourning,
Oppressed by the enemy?
Why are you downcast, oh my soul?
God, won't you calm the storm in me?

Because my heart fails within me
As deep calls out to deep,
In the roar of your waterfalls
It swept over me

So I put my hope in you
I will wait patiently
Though the waves overwhelm me
You can calm the sea
My hiding place, my peace
I put my hope in you

I put my hope in you

May all those who seek you
Rejoice and be glad
And always cry out
"The Lord be exalted!"
But as for me
I am poor and needy.
You are strong, I am weak,
I will put my trust in you.

I put my trust in you

When my heart fails within me
As deep calls out to deep
And the roar of your waterfalls
Is crashing over me

I will lift my eyes,
I will wait patiently.
Though the waves overwhelm me,
You can calm the sea.
You're my hiding place, my peace
And everything I need,
I put my hope in you.

I put my hope in you.

Why are you downcast, oh my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
For yet I will praise him,
Yet I will praise you,
My Savior, my God.

blossom

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ~Anais Nin

sunflowers

So within the past couple of weeks, these flowers have sprouted all over my school.
The elementary students made them as a craft and I think they're super cute.
But at the same time, they made all the petals by tracing their hands and cutting it out,
And I think it could be potentially creepy that a bunch of childrens' hands are in the flowers.
I walk through the hallway and picture them reaching out to grab me.
So yeah, this is my poem inspired by the sunflowers in my school.


Sprouting in dark corridors,
Growing, reaching for the light,
In a land devoid of sun,
They were wild sunflowers bright.

Crawling through the carpet,
Roots and reaching and no rain.
I said hello and went on my way,
But they softly whispered, "Stay."

Hello, hello, hello.
The inflorescence waved to me
With yellow-fingered pantomime,
And yet there was no breeze.

And I found it kind of strange
In such an unexpected land,
How the petals rare resembled
The palm of a tiny hand,

Walking down the hallway dark,
How eerie now it seemed,
I saw a million fingers,
Petals, pointed straight at me.

Nodding their brown heads,
They drew me in and wrapped around-
Grasping me with many a leaf,
Grip strong, without a sound.

Silent yellow hands reached out
And grabbed me by the throat.
Fragrant, breathless bondage,
Sea of yellow, stay afloat.

The last thing I remember,
Looking down upon my hands,
My fingertips reforming,
Golden petals, then the end.

falling

sometimes

falling

is

okay


sometimes

we

fall

into

place

solidify

Just some late night thoughts...


Things change so quickly,
And you open your eyes
And you look around
And you look inside
And you're someone new
And you're somewhere else.

And I'm just trying to figure out
Who I am,
But I look back
And I'm someone different,
And I find lots of someone-differents

Things change,
And so do the things
That aren't things,
Like people and souls.

And it's so fast,
The shutter speed on my camera
Can't even catch.
I'm flipping through an album
Of blurry pictures.

And I find I'm someone new,
Someone solid and clear,
Right here, right now.

If the camera could catch this right,
Maybe I might know
Where I was going.

But today will be another blurry page,
And I will be long gone
By then.

But I'm going,
Yes I'm going.
Walking around in skin
With the marks of
Everyone I used to be-

I'm composed of memory.

And I like that line so much
I'll stop and think
And make it a part of me.

I don't know who I am
Or who I was
Or who I will be,
But I remember the things
That speak to me.

And if all I am
Is a collection of memories,
I hope all the people I was
Said some things.

Or, should I say
Some things that aren't things.
Because words aren't things-
They take things and make them solid,
Ideas and make them always.

So take me,
Blurry, liquid, changing me,
And make me solid,
Make me always.

white noise

Searching, searching,
Target. Lock.
Explode.

Stop there.
No.

My restless hands
Gasoline pouring,
Match fingering.

Flicker, flicker
Bang!

Shake it away...
Clouds, smoke.

Pulling, ripping,
Tearing, touching,
Tucking, fearing
Feeling, forgetting...

Leaving the land
Desolate, barren-

This isn't what I wanted.

Still moving-
Automatic.

Fire alarm!
White noise...
Music, rhythm,
Maybe.

Keep on going.

Pleasure, pain,
Twirling, plucking,
Aching, breaking,
Discarding, dead.

Stop it! Stop it!
Distract.

Mirror, movement-
Frustrated.

Just a spark,
A strand,
A moment.

Searching, searching,
Target. Lock.
No!

This isn't what I want.

But my restless hands
Think otherwise.
Fire alarm,
White noise.

eloquent

I don't know what it is,
But whenever I'm with you,
Suddenly I become eloquent
And my soul comes shining through.

You bring out all the words
That have been stuck inside of me,
And I think in you I find the song
I've always wanted to sing.

It's like every conversation
That we have is like a poem.
The pieces fit together
And I find I'm not alone.

So I'd write a thousand lines
To find the one that would make you smile.
This person that I am with you
Has been gone for quite a while.

But there's one thing I have never said,
And I keep it in because
I'm in love with you, it's true,
But mostly I'm love with us.

electricity

Inspiration is like lightning
In this thunderstorm of rhymes-
Every single second striking
Earth about one hundred times.
Searching for a conductor,
Sometimes few and far between,
But never stopping, the air is filled
With electricity.

always blue

Just waiting for a star to fall,
A drop of the sky to paint my wall.
A pinch of pigment to tint the sea,
Splattering over fields of green,
Forget-me-nots in indigo-
I really do not want to go.

No, I will not forget you,
My bedroom walls of always blue.

temple

Lord, I would be your temple,
Your Holy Spirit's dwelling place,
But my walls are crumbling and cracked,
A dirty, broken space.

I run my hands o'er every brick,
Each bump and bruise and mark.
It was these jagged surfaces
That gave your hands their scars.

My stained glass windows tainted by sin
You flooded with your light,
And color filled the sanctuary
When You came inside.

This body is unworthy
To house Your majesty.
A broken spirit, contrite heart
The sacrifice I bring.

But a Sacrifice much greater was paid,
By Christ and it's all You see.
Your Spirit has made me beautiful,
A temple pure and holy.

I was bought at a price, I am not my own,
You now live inside of me,
So with every breath I'll worship You
In sweet humility.

resurrect

No more hiding, no more shame,
No more running away from You.
No more lies, no more guilt,
I want to listen to Your truth.

It's hard to let go when you think
"What if I need them again someday?
I'll keep them around just in case."

But until you come to throw them away
You'll never know what it's like to be free.
You thought you needed them,
But they just distracted you from your true need.

God, I don't want to go there again,
I'm going to run to you.
I will not live in death, for you have died
So that I could have life.

I am your temple, here for your glory.
Help me get rid of all these things
That don't bring glory to you.
Help me throw them all away, my idols.

Yes, rid me of myself, I belong to you.
I was once dead, but so were you,
And now it's time to resurrect.
Wash me clean, heal my scars and make me new.

No more hiding, no more shame,
No more running away from You.
No more lies, no more guilt,
Help me fix my eyes on you.

alive

As Easter comes, I'm reminded of my time at the March for Life. While I was there, it became more and more clear to me that we live in a culture of death, and I was reminded of Romans 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." So thankful for Christ and His work on the cross, so that we don't have to live in death, we can count ourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus!

celery stalk

Snap of a celery stalk.
Rush of cold, cleansing water
Through the chute
Into the sink.

Fractions of flavor
On a chopping board divided-
Green and white,
Fresh and crisp.

With vegetable velocity,
The shining blade
Severs each cord,
Compact.

One string plucked
Can form a tone,
Delicate and sweet,
But a cord of three strands
Is less easily broken.

And celery,
By nature bound,
Upon breaking
Releases a battle cry,
Cacophonous crunch.