el arte de sorprender

Mi profesora me dijo                                My teacher told me
"Sorpréndame con un poema."                "Surprise me with a poem,"
Y ahora me encuentro                               And now I find myself
En la situación de Nana.                           In Nana's situation.

La que intentó sorprender                        The one who tried to surprise
A la acallada Clara                                   The silenced Clara
Con apariciones de monstruos                 With appearances of monsters
Y bichos en la cama.                                And insects in the bed.

A poco tiempo Clara                                Very soon, Clara
No tenía miedo de nada                           Was not afraid of anything,
Porque se convirtieron en normal            Because all the knocks on the window
Todos los golpes en la ventana.               Became normal.

El arte de sorprender                                 The art of surprise
Es el arte de conocer                                  Is the art of knowing
Las expectativas de otras                           The expectations of others
Y, de repente, las romper.                          And suddenly breaking them.

¿Cómo puedo sorprender                         How can I surprise
A alguién que no conozco?                      Someone that I don't know?
Profesora mía, ¿Cómo puedo                   My teacher, how can I
Despertarte de tu silencio?                       Awaken you from your silence?

No sé si en tu vida                                     I don't know if in your life
Estás acostumbrada a los monstruos.        You are accustomed to monsters.
Tal vez sería un mayor choque                  Maybe a real instant of joy
Un instante real de gozo.                           Would be a greater shock.

Tienen poder de sorprender                       Both pain and beauty
Tanto el dolor como la belleza.                  Have power to surprise.
Te deseo una vida                                       I wish you a life
En la que es lo malo que es sorpresa.        In which the bad is a surprise.


basada en la novela "Casa de los Espíritus" por Isabel Allende
based on the novel "The House of the Spirits" by Isabel Allende

frog song

We were young,

Yellow and green as tree frogs.

Lime and lemon squeezed,

Bursting, bright.

We listened after the rain

And they sang- deep green.

Crickets, flies,

Moths and worms and night.

We felt the sun-
We grew up like trees.
Yellow and warm,
Tall and free.

Softly step
Into the shade.
When life gives you lemons
You make lemonade.

But what to do with limes?
I was afraid.

Then I danced with you
Beneath the trees,
With a backpack full of doubts
and a heart full of dreams.

Sticky and sweet
And starting to rain.
Did you know my dreams
Were lemonade?

But learning to love
Is like learning to paint.

Mix the colors of our lives
And make something new.
With yellow and green
And me and you.

fragile

My heart jumps-
Skittering like a fallen leaf
Across the street.

It jumps and soars
On this windy day,
And I'm tossed and turned
In every way.

I hide my trembling hands
Under the table.
I'm not ready
For you to hold them.

You sit across from me,
And the ground splits
And shakes.

I'm terrified
And fragile-
Glass in an earthquake.

My heart crumbles
Like a fallen leaf,
Run over
In the middle of the street.

The wind is strong
And carries me away
In a million pieces-
I don't know what to say.

Please be gentle,
Listen to the ache-
Guide me across this street-
This pit in my stomach.

Take me to a place
Where I'm not afraid.
Take me to a place
Where I want this.

How I want to feel wanted-
Why don't I want this?

figure skates

Figure eights

On figure skates

Your blades leave lines

On the ice

Solid ground 

But you slip off

It takes skill

To navigate my waters

Frozen between

My fears and my faith

My love and my hate

I don't know what I want

But here you dance,

Scraping the surface

Gliding like scissors

Cutting me deeper

Until i no longer shine

I am rough

Covered in lines

And shavings 

I'm breaking

But you twirl

And you spin

And it's beautiful

let go of me

i cut myself today
i watched the blood run down my leg
and i felt nothing

i soaked it up with paper towels
put pressure there
ignored the howls

of demons swirling around my head
they want me dead
they want me dead

i don't want to die
i just want to know why
you're not here

i just want to know why
i am feeling this way
like you're far

and i know you're not
and it's me
who is running away

you said obedience
is better than sacrifice
and still i disobey

still i set myself up
on the alter
and slice

still i hate my life
and myself
and i hope its enough

to make you see i'm sorry
to make you see
i don't want to be this way

the scars show
that this is not how
it's supposed to be

something's wrong with me
i need you
i need to be free

but i get stuck here because
i still want to do it
all by myself

i get stuck here because
i'm trying to find
my worth

in other things
in something i can find
inside of me

searching, digging
through skin and blood
for something good

lord,
i can't do this anymore
it never works

i pick up the blade
and ignore your voice
telling me to stop

telling me that
you are enough
the demons tell me something else

that if i shed my own blood
maybe i can set things right
right?

i would sacrifice myself
on a cross if i had to
but i wouldn't let you

why can't i let go?
why can't i let you
be everything?

why can't i let go of me?

wait

My hopes suspended in the air
Like dew drops not yet landed on a flower.

Tentative, taking shape.
They watch and wonder-
Wait.

words

I love words-

The way they roll

And dance,

The way they sparkle

In a sentence.

I love sounds-

To capture them,

Pinned down

Pressed like flowers

Into pages,
Colors into faces.

I love language-

The way it waltzes

Off your tongue

And your voice

Holds me tight

Like a song

Saying maybe

You could understand me.

Maybe

You could pin me down.

And we would dance

And we would fuse-

Wayward words finding their place

In a phrase.