drown

You wear your heart on your sleeve
And I can see it bleed,
But my emotions hide inside my sleeves,
Inside of me.
They brush against my skin
And against everything within.
Trapped, imprisoned,
Lonely, building.
Introspection, my reflection
Doesn't reflect me
If what you see is peace.

Silly and carefree,
Isn't that what you want me to be?
To be happy,
To be joy-
But I'm not your little girl anymore.

Too much time is lost,
Too much distance between us.
I'm sorry if it's my fault-
I never wanted to hate you.

I will not let you hold
The black, the void.
I will not let you see what's inside.
I spit out stars
And smiles and scars,
And we're both still wondering who I am.

I'm falling in the force of my own gravity,
The weight of everything
I feel
And where I want to be,
Below and underneath-
What I deserve.

Cuts and scars and bruises,
I make myself look all the ways I cannot speak.
Maybe you will see.

Punishing, perfection unattainable.
Will you ever love me?
I deserve to die here.
Stop, stop.
Never.
It cuts deeper.

Hate and hate and hate.
I'm trying to build
But my hands are wrecking balls
Swinging from the chain,
Pendulum of pain.

Knocking down the building,

This temple that I live in.
But I love the lonely-
I love a lot of things that kill me.
Destroy, destroy,
Escape myself,
Escape this hell-
This heart of only evil,
Desiring destruction and rubble.

Destroy, destroy,
Ripped open,
Torn out lifeless on the floor.
Gathered in handfuls,
I don't want me anymore.

Acid dripping from my mouth,
I'm burning holes in both of us.
I didn't want to make you empty,
I didn't want to be your failure-
Please tell me I'm a treasure,
But you lost me so long ago.
X marks the spot,
It's written in blood
Just hoping to be found.
Under the sea I'm waiting
But I think I'd rather drown.