fade to yellow

Jaundice,
Fading to yellow.
Dandelions dissolving
Into the meadow
Of my skin.

I feel it within,
The color,
Bold and faint.
Aging, the pages
Of an old book.

Yellowed edges,
But the story still so young-
Nothing new
Under the wide
Yellow sun.

Jaundice,
Bile of becoming.
Bittersweet,
Accumulating.

Yellow,
All the days
Will bring me closer
To its light.

The smell of ink
On a page.
Hollow cheeks,
White of my eyes.

Beautiful sickness
Of becoming.
This story now
Is ending.

coloring books

Hearts don't look
The way they do
In valentines
And coloring books-
Pair of parabolas
Reaching for a point.

They're more than just a shape
Because they're something that's alive.
Valves and pumps,
Bruises and bumps-
It's real,
This heart of mine.

house of my heart

There's an empty place
Inside of me,
Unfinished basement-
A dystrophy.
At the very bottom
Of my soul,
I lie in the dark
On the concrete cold.

House of my heart-
Just don't go downstairs.
Ascending aorta,
Ignoring my fears.
Step into the kitchen,
Branching lungs and deep breath.
I open the cupboards
But there's nothing left.

Stretch into the hallway-
Pulsing, pounding.
Picture frames empty,
Searching, screaming.
The walls cry out
With their terrible white,
And I see your face
In the flickering light.

Then, soft and still
I hear your name
Echo through the corridor,
Lead to your room.
At the end of the hall
Where I stuffed it away,
Bulging and twisting-
A varicose vein.

Gently push at the door
With my palm on the wood-
Vena cava to ventricle,
Find nothing good.
Deoxygenated-
Still empty inside.
Memories of you,
But my hope has died.

I close the door
And look away,
But the walls are gone,
And the scenery's changed.
Turning to bone,
Like prison bars bending,
Twisting their shape
Into a skeleton.

House of my heart
When it's all stripped away.
Single light bulb
From the ceiling will hang.
My bare basement soul
In its natural state.
Silence,
Heartbeat soon to fade.

I'll sit here inside
My lonely rib cage,
Suffocate
And waste away.
Flesh and bone
And heart of stone.
House of my heart,
This is no home.

black pen

There's a black pen
Inside my brain-
Scribbling everywhere,
All over everything.

Changing angles rapidly,
Madness, void.
Abyss of black
Over the occipital lobe.

But it is my own hand
Guiding the night,
Pushing, pressing too hard
Til it bursts like stars
Through the page.

I can't get away,
And the pen will break.
Out spills the ink
Like a secret I wanted to keep-
Troubled universe set free.

Trickling from my brain
And sliding down
My tortured throat,
The rest of my body slowly filled
With deadly poison.

Darkness, dread,
Seeping into every crack.
Vacuum of space pulling,
Pulling me away.
Once canvas, once page,
But I'm not sure what I became.
Is this who I was supposed to be?

Hopeless, hidden
Inside a perfect portrait
Of panic.

lunar eclipse

Wonders of
The human eye,
The way a lens
Can bend the light.
An iris with
Blue thread crocheted,
Woven round
Black void of space.

So dark within
That stormy sphere,
Who would know
It was truly clear?
The pupil widens,
Embracing the light.
We see straight through
To the retina behind.

Center of color
With rods and cones,
Fovea centralis-
Dividing rainbows.
The lunar eclipse
That I see in your eyes
Is truly a palette,
All colors combined.