homecoming

 after the delivery, I am left

with bruises, scars, and trauma.

dazed, confused, and wondering

"what just happened to me?"

i wasn't ready.

after the delivery, you have to leave

too soon,

poked and prodded

and robbed of the time 

 they call golden.

in those moments,

I just felt numb.

you heard beeping monitors

and babies' cries

instead of my heartbeat,

instead of coming home.

i have never felt more strong,

and i've never felt more broken.

never been so grateful to be alive,

never longed so much for heaven.

one day you will come home,

and we'll be terrified and proud.

we will dress and change you

with no wires to work around.

we will see your beautiful face

from your feeding tube unbound.

it's only a small picture

of one day truly coming home,

when he tenderly will wipe away

these hot tears that run down.

and no more babies will be all alone

because mom and dad can't come.

and no parents will have to say

goodbye too soon.

for now, I'll go ahead and cry

because this world is cursed and broken,

and blessed are those who mourn-

who long and hope for heaven.