frog song

We were young,

Yellow and green as tree frogs.

Lime and lemon squeezed,

Bursting, bright.

We listened after the rain

And they sang- deep green.

Crickets, flies,

Moths and worms and night.

We felt the sun-
We grew up like trees.
Yellow and warm,
Tall and free.

Softly step
Into the shade.
When life gives you lemons
You make lemonade.

But what to do with limes?
I was afraid.

Then I danced with you
Beneath the trees,
With a backpack full of doubts
and a heart full of dreams.

Sticky and sweet
And starting to rain.
Did you know my dreams
Were lemonade?

But learning to love
Is like learning to paint.

Mix the colors of our lives
And make something new.
With yellow and green
And me and you.

fragile

My heart jumps-
Skittering like a fallen leaf
Across the street.

It jumps and soars
On this windy day,
And I'm tossed and turned
In every way.

I hide my trembling hands
Under the table.
I'm not ready
For you to hold them.

You sit across from me,
And the ground splits
And shakes.

I'm terrified
And fragile-
Glass in an earthquake.

My heart crumbles
Like a fallen leaf,
Run over
In the middle of the street.

The wind is strong
And carries me away
In a million pieces-
I don't know what to say.

Please be gentle,
Listen to the ache-
Guide me across this street-
This pit in my stomach.

Take me to a place
Where I'm not afraid.
Take me to a place
Where I want this.

How I want to feel wanted-
Why don't I want this?

figure skates

Figure eights

On figure skates

Your blades leave lines

On the ice

Solid ground 

But you slip off

It takes skill

To navigate my waters

Frozen between

My fears and my faith

My love and my hate

I don't know what I want

But here you dance,

Scraping the surface

Gliding like scissors

Cutting me deeper

Until i no longer shine

I am rough

Covered in lines

And shavings 

I'm breaking

But you twirl

And you spin

And it's beautiful

let go of me

i cut myself today
i watched the blood run down my leg
and i felt nothing

i soaked it up with paper towels
put pressure there
ignored the howls

of demons swirling around my head
they want me dead
they want me dead

i don't want to die
i just want to know why
you're not here

i just want to know why
i am feeling this way
like you're far

and i know you're not
and it's me
who is running away

you said obedience
is better than sacrifice
and still i disobey

still i set myself up
on the alter
and slice

still i hate my life
and myself
and i hope its enough

to make you see i'm sorry
to make you see
i don't want to be this way

the scars show
that this is not how
it's supposed to be

something's wrong with me
i need you
i need to be free

but i get stuck here because
i still want to do it
all by myself

i get stuck here because
i'm trying to find
my worth

in other things
in something i can find
inside of me

searching, digging
through skin and blood
for something good

lord,
i can't do this anymore
it never works

i pick up the blade
and ignore your voice
telling me to stop

telling me that
you are enough
the demons tell me something else

that if i shed my own blood
maybe i can set things right
right?

i would sacrifice myself
on a cross if i had to
but i wouldn't let you

why can't i let go?
why can't i let you
be everything?

why can't i let go of me?

wait

My hopes suspended in the air
Like dew drops not yet landed on a flower.

Tentative, taking shape.
They watch and wonder-
Wait.

words

I love words-

The way they roll

And dance,

The way they sparkle

In a sentence.

I love sounds-

To capture them,

Pinned down

Pressed like flowers

Into pages,
Colors into faces.

I love language-

The way it waltzes

Off your tongue

And your voice

Holds me tight

Like a song

Saying maybe

You could understand me.

Maybe

You could pin me down.

And we would dance

And we would fuse-

Wayward words finding their place

In a phrase.

the skeleton tree

brown and bare
against the pale blue sky-

a skeleton of what you were.

your branches curled like fingers

that had given up reaching, 

reaching, 

reaching.

and tearing, tearing,
they have torn
all the life like meat
from your wooden bones.

orange and red-
your radiant robe,
spread beneath your feet.

brown and bare-
alone.
what have you done?

the pale blue sky looks down
and looks away
and you
fall
into sapphire night.